I couldn’t think of anymore about vladimir but maybe i will return to that story. For now i have shelved it. here is part one of the newest plot my mind has concocted. I hope you all enjoy it.

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Mary awoke in the night to a clatter of what seemed to be pots and pans if her ears were not decieving her which she was sure they were not because last time she had a physical her doctor had told her her hearing was absolutely perfect. She looked at her alarm clock. It was 3:45. She sighed inwardly and got out of bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs to investigate the situation. When she’d placed her foot on the last step of the staircase, she heard a man’s voice, whispering, hissing really, and she stopped short. It sounded… almost familiar in some way.

“Look harder, Todd, I’m sure you’ll find it!”

Her heart beat quickened and she bulled her robe tighter around her. She thought about what to do. She didn’t have a gun. Perhaps I should have invested in one, she chuckled to herself in her head. She did have a baseball bat. Luckily Mary was a tomboy when she was younger and had played a lot of baseball and still had the bat she used. She had brought it from her childhood home not too long ago, when she moved into this townhouse. She had just graduated from college.

She crept back up the stairs quietly and took the bat out of the closet. Then she tiptoed back down the stairs, carefully not to make any noise. She peered around the banister and she saw two men wearing all black and ski masks, going through her belongings. What were they looking for?

The next thing Mary knew she had creeped up behind one of them and knocked him out with the bat. The other man froze and held up his hands.

“Don’t hit me! Please!” he cried.

“Get out of my house!” Mary screamed.

“Wait! Let me explain!”

Mary had to admit, she was curious. “Okay but then get out!”

He pulled off his mask, and shook out his golden blonde locks. “Mary. I’m so sorry we had to meet again this way.”

Mary dropped the baseball bat and stared at the man. She recognized him immediately, his strong jaw, and his piercing green eyes. She was immediately transported back to the last moments they’d spent together, at his wife’s funeral… His all black suit…. His hair, neatly combed and parted to the side… The scent of carnations… his tears… his smile. “Oh my god. Jasper. What are you - I don’t understand!”

“Please sit down,” he said gently. “I’ll explain everything.”

Vladymur woke much to his disdain.

“Whut is this place?” he wondered. Everywhere was glitter and ice but he had a warm feeling so it must be an allusion.

Slowly Valdie got 2 his feet and started walkin around. He fell a cupole of tiems bc he hadnt used his liegs in a while. but luckily he did not give hiself a concushion.

Hello?!” flaedy called out, but no one heared him. 

OK, FINE, BE THAT WAY, he yelled to no one in particular. 

Suddenly thur waz a patronus and it was a doe.

“Alwayz~~~” Vlady saied, and disappeared into the night.

My name is Vladimir VanPutschen. I am a vampire. I am screaming through the night like a banshe, because I am on the run. The run I am on. Vampires run. I am unawar of how much longer I can do this. You see, I have not eaten in six days. My stealthy jog, it has turned into more of a horse trot. My feet feel nothing. 

I do this all for the love of Matildah, the great sorcerous of Timankatakahna-na. My heart beats only for her, my dick hard with excitement only when visiosn of her dance prettily between my ears in that large knowledgeable brain. Her flaxin hair and big boobs are what give me such hard erections. Sometimes at night I think about her fluffy hair caressing my penis and I can’t control myself. Even now the crotch of my pants has tented outward to the sky. I can only hope that someday she will return to me my soul so I don’t have to be a vamprie anymore and we can live our days out togheter and get old and wirnkkly side by side because that is what we were meant to do.

Perhaps someday soon I can take to her this fistful of dandy lions. There were more, but I blew all the seed things off to make a million more wishes that she would be near me soonish.

Wait, what is that in the bushes? Did you here them russel? Perhaps it is my next victem. AKA my dinner!

Slowly now I will push the brush aside and… what, what’s’ this? Wait, no, please, I beg of you, do not eta me! Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

y’all are gunna LOVE THIS.

PART @

Vlademeer looked at his watch. Oh shit! Vlady said. I have to go!”

“wait! Jennyfer cried.”What are you going to do with me?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Vlady said complacently. His eerie eyes shined redly as he looked at her long giraffe like neck. The viens bubbled under the neck skin.

Jennyfer clutched her neck. omg she said! You are goin to eat me!”

Well, Vlady said…. yes I am. nd inn one HUGE CHOMP Jennyfer was dead. her b/f rhett creid and cried and sworn to get revengeds on Vlady. 

VLADY rhett yelled! COME OUT! he fingered the wooden stake in his left hand (LOL NNOTHING DIRTY U PERVZ) AND he waited and waited all night and day but vlady did not come 2 him.

little did he know……………………….. VLADY WUZ GONN!

~disclaimer: I am trying out Science Fiction for the FIRST TIME!!!!~

The alarm rang and Jennyfer woke up to find her self in an unfamilar place. She rubbed her eyes and looked around. THe bedding was pink satan and there were stuffed animals lieing around everywhere.

“This looks just like my childhood bedroom,” said Jennyfer to herself.

“That’s because it is,” said a voice. There was a shadow in teh closet and Jennyfer crept out of bed scaredly. “Who are you”

The shadow moved closer, still subdued by the dim lighting in the room so that the features of the figure were obscred.

“Tell me who you are!” cried Jennyfer.

The shadow came out of the darkness and it became in the light, a man. He looked much like an old wise man with a long beared and hair.

“I am Valdemir and I have brought you here with me.” He said this cunningly with a glint in his hazel-coloured eyes.

Jennyfer was stricken with a sensation of fear tickling her back of her neck. “Where is here and why have you brought me here?”

Valdemir laughed a scathing laugh and tilted back his head and that she could see he had sharp pointed teeth. “I am a time-traveler,” he said to her.

Jennyfer was confused. “I don’t understand”, she replied to him.

“I am from the year 4011,” he said. “Exactly 2000 years from now.” He came closer to here and touched her face with his hand. “You will understand in time my dear.”

~PART 2 COMING SOON!~

Look, they’re having a sale on mattresses! Let’s go in.

K, I like this.  We don’t know who is speaking yet, but I think that’s okay.  But, I think you need a title, that could give us some context maybe?  Nah, fuck that actually, the context part not the title.  You should title your shit.  Because you’re proud of it (I assume).

There isn’t anything wrong with the mattress we have now.

 
We’ve had it for years, it hurts my back.

K.  I’m starting to get like, an idea of who is talking and shit.  An older couple.  Idk how old, but that’s cool.  Minor thing, so fuck me for being a nit-picker, but I’d make this two sentences, or use like, some semi-colon or something, or an and?  Or fuck it.

But we decided together that it’s the perfect amount of firm.

It could be better. Maybe we should get one where each person has an adjustable side.

Love this line, introduces conflict.  Interesting.

But we’ve always wanted the same things.

We’re growing old, people change.

Yep yep, more conflict.  Good good.  Muthafucka.

Referring to their preference in soft to firm mattresses? How profound.

Why should you be so afraid of such a small change?

K, so.  One of my professors said: “Don’t use questions, because it implies doubt, and you are the writer, and this is stepping outside of the two characters talking (I assume, if I’m making us both asses I can fuck right off).  So, see, you know the answer.  Anyway, I ALSO think these questions are implied, and we don’t need them.  Yeah, that’s my two shits of the questions: take ‘em out.  Also, that “How Profound.” sounds sarcastic as shit, and I think that’s a legit point, I mean, obvs, they are talking about mattresses but they are talking about like, their marriage and maybe their lives and maybe some other shit.

The small changes are what prompt the big ones, and I’m not ready to let go just yet.

No one’s talking about letting go.

No one’s talking about holding on, either.

Nice ending.  In the words of…fuck it, I don’t care.  Good wrap up, clenches the idea without making it too obvious (which is what I think the ?’s do, man).  Anywayz, I legit think this is pretty decently good.  I’d give you like a B+.  It’s a good length, and I think it’s a neat poem/story/whateverthefuck thing.  Pretty cool.  High-Five, dude!

PS: MAKE A FUCKING TITLE, K?

PPS: So like, I’m not really 100% what to say, because really, it’s pretty short and succinct and get its idea across like whoa, nawimean?  Anyway, yeah, idk, there aren’t any images or metaphors to critque really, it’s all dialogue and everything, including the mood of the piece, is implied.  I think it works, tho.

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